by Joe Bandini
A lot is said about Scott Boras- most of it is rather negative. A quick check of the ever-reliable Urban Dictionary so succinctly defines 'Scott Boras' as "The Jack-Ass of All Trades. The Guy who destroyed baseball."
Hate him or love him, the guy is ridiculously good at his job and nobody has destroyed baseball. They are doing just fine.
As the ultimate salesman and pitchman of MLB players, Boras has grown a reputation for creating some interesting phrases and rather mind-blowing analogies.
We could spend a week discussing the world's opinion of Scott Boras and what is said about him, but I decided it would be more interesting to take a look at what he says and what the hell he actually means with some of his phrases and tactics. This should help any fan understand what exactly this man is talking about as he controls the entire MLB Free Agency period.
Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, Amateur Draft Picks of all ages!!! I now present...
The Boras Thesaurus!
Pillow Contract- Made famous by Boras and client Adrian Beltre coming off of a mediocre 2009. Boras turned down multiple multi-year contracts and steered Beltre to the Red Sox on a 1 year 10 million dollar deal to re-establish value. According to Boras, “A pillow contract is, basically, you lay down, it’s comfortable, it’s soft, it’s there. But the fact of the matter is it’s not with you all the time. That’s a one-year contract. Your pillow, you leave it, you come back, it’s there,” said Boras. “Short-term, you use it for a little bit, then you move on.”
This worked like a charm for Boras and Beltre, as Adrian did a lot of damage with the bat (and body- cracking Jacoby Ellsbury's rib) and found a lucrative 5 year 80 million dollar contract with Texas. Value; re-established.
And don't worry about Ellsbury, Boras found him a nice $153,000,000 bandage a few years later.
I already can't wait for the Blanky Contract.
Donut Contract- A recent trend for the past few years has been teams signing their young players to long term contracts even when the players are 4-5 years away from free agency. The team can offer a lot less because the 29 other teams are unable to bid on the players until free agency. The player enjoys the long-term security of signing a $20-30 million dollar deal at age 24 or 25 even if it means they give up the $60-80 Million at age 29 or 30. Teams do this to control cost and players do it to ensure their families are multi-millionaires for generations to come. Teams have been adding option years to the ends of these contracts which gives them more control over the players and keeps them away from Free Agency.
In an industry where previous and current player contracts are compared and used as baselines for future negotiations, Boras wants to see the best contracts and dollars going to players even if they are not his clients. This is why he has recently come out to take shots at players and agents for signing these team friendly deals. He calls them Donut Contracts because there are, "a lot of sugar at the beginning, and a lot of holes at the end."
The sugar at the beginning refers to the upfront and guaranteed money the players receive, but the holes at the end are the money and future earnings they are losing out on by agreeing to these deals. Like I said earlier, mind-blowing analogies. Boras seems to prefer the Fun-Dip contract- sugar for days!
Boras Binder- The ostentatious binder the Boras Corporation produces for teams when one of its big clients reaches Free Agency. Like this one they made for Prince Fielder. 73 Pages! That is an excruciating amount of detail. I feel bad for any of Boras' ex-girlfriends. What sort of minutia do you have to include to fill a binder with that much information on a baseball player?
- Prince's performance in his three middle school spelling bees?
- How many people ask him to pinky swear when he claims he's a vegetarian?
- Biography of his first childhood pet?
I don't get it. I'm pretty sure it was actually just filled with Prince's 73 favorite Alfredo dishes his personal chef makes him.
It really should have been 73 suggestions on how to run the bases better. Thank you again Prince for not showing up for the 2013 ALCS. You will always have a spot in this Red Sox fan's 3 championship-ring binder.
Mystery Team- The 31st Major League Franchise that has no field, no stadium, no fans, no payroll, no ability to sign players, yet always influences the 30 real MLB teams every offseason when Boras uses their fake existence as a threat to teams in the market to sign his clients. The Mystery Team came really close to signing players such as Alex Rodriguez, Matt Holliday, Barry Zito, and Mark Tiexeira until Boras got real teams to bid against themselves.
I'm fairy certain that in 20 years a retired Boras will sail around the world in a $25 Million yacht called "The Mystery Team."
Repeat Game- Yes even Scott Boras can get downright childish and get away with it. Sometimes you don't need a thesaurus or translator because Scott will go 2nd grade on your ass and mock your organization using the Repeat Game:
In an interview with ESPN.com, Boras mocked the Tigers' statement with almost identical wording.
"Max Scherzer made a substantial long-term contract extension offer to the Detroit Tigers that would have placed him among the highest-paid pitchers in baseball," Boras told ESPN.com. "And the offer was rejected by Detroit."
Here is the exact wording used earlier by the Tigers:
"The Detroit Tigers have made a substantial, long-term contract extension offer to Max Scherzer that would have placed him among the highest paid pitchers in baseball, and the offer was rejected."
Sometimes you gotta ditch the new catchphrases and just go old-school. This is why he is the best in the biz.
"Talent has no wristwatch"- This is a Boras quote/excuse to deflect any negative press or questioning of his tactics. Sometimes Boras' tactics are questioned when his clients go deep into Free Agency and into the next season without signing with a new team. He is a big believer in holding his clients out for more money and clearly believes time doesn't matter.
Boras can no longer claim rival agents will treat clients like pieces of meat when he literally compared his clients to pieces of meat. "People call me all the time and say, “Man, your players aren’t signed yet.” Well, it doesn’t really matter what time dinner is when you’re the steak."
Eventually the steak is going to get cold and the restaurant isn't making money if no one is showing up to buy the steak. I'm thinking about this too hard.
As far as I know, he stopped short of calling their talent "rare", "well done" or "raw." Unfortunately for Scott, it was only the 2nd best steak themed sales pitch of all time.
Hate him or love him, the guy is ridiculously good at his job and nobody has destroyed baseball. They are doing just fine.
As the ultimate salesman and pitchman of MLB players, Boras has grown a reputation for creating some interesting phrases and rather mind-blowing analogies.
We could spend a week discussing the world's opinion of Scott Boras and what is said about him, but I decided it would be more interesting to take a look at what he says and what the hell he actually means with some of his phrases and tactics. This should help any fan understand what exactly this man is talking about as he controls the entire MLB Free Agency period.
Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, Amateur Draft Picks of all ages!!! I now present...
The Boras Thesaurus!
Pillow Contract- Made famous by Boras and client Adrian Beltre coming off of a mediocre 2009. Boras turned down multiple multi-year contracts and steered Beltre to the Red Sox on a 1 year 10 million dollar deal to re-establish value. According to Boras, “A pillow contract is, basically, you lay down, it’s comfortable, it’s soft, it’s there. But the fact of the matter is it’s not with you all the time. That’s a one-year contract. Your pillow, you leave it, you come back, it’s there,” said Boras. “Short-term, you use it for a little bit, then you move on.”
This worked like a charm for Boras and Beltre, as Adrian did a lot of damage with the bat (and body- cracking Jacoby Ellsbury's rib) and found a lucrative 5 year 80 million dollar contract with Texas. Value; re-established.
And don't worry about Ellsbury, Boras found him a nice $153,000,000 bandage a few years later.
I already can't wait for the Blanky Contract.
Donut Contract- A recent trend for the past few years has been teams signing their young players to long term contracts even when the players are 4-5 years away from free agency. The team can offer a lot less because the 29 other teams are unable to bid on the players until free agency. The player enjoys the long-term security of signing a $20-30 million dollar deal at age 24 or 25 even if it means they give up the $60-80 Million at age 29 or 30. Teams do this to control cost and players do it to ensure their families are multi-millionaires for generations to come. Teams have been adding option years to the ends of these contracts which gives them more control over the players and keeps them away from Free Agency.
In an industry where previous and current player contracts are compared and used as baselines for future negotiations, Boras wants to see the best contracts and dollars going to players even if they are not his clients. This is why he has recently come out to take shots at players and agents for signing these team friendly deals. He calls them Donut Contracts because there are, "a lot of sugar at the beginning, and a lot of holes at the end."
The sugar at the beginning refers to the upfront and guaranteed money the players receive, but the holes at the end are the money and future earnings they are losing out on by agreeing to these deals. Like I said earlier, mind-blowing analogies. Boras seems to prefer the Fun-Dip contract- sugar for days!
Boras Binder- The ostentatious binder the Boras Corporation produces for teams when one of its big clients reaches Free Agency. Like this one they made for Prince Fielder. 73 Pages! That is an excruciating amount of detail. I feel bad for any of Boras' ex-girlfriends. What sort of minutia do you have to include to fill a binder with that much information on a baseball player?
- Prince's performance in his three middle school spelling bees?
- How many people ask him to pinky swear when he claims he's a vegetarian?
- Biography of his first childhood pet?
I don't get it. I'm pretty sure it was actually just filled with Prince's 73 favorite Alfredo dishes his personal chef makes him.
It really should have been 73 suggestions on how to run the bases better. Thank you again Prince for not showing up for the 2013 ALCS. You will always have a spot in this Red Sox fan's 3 championship-ring binder.
Mystery Team- The 31st Major League Franchise that has no field, no stadium, no fans, no payroll, no ability to sign players, yet always influences the 30 real MLB teams every offseason when Boras uses their fake existence as a threat to teams in the market to sign his clients. The Mystery Team came really close to signing players such as Alex Rodriguez, Matt Holliday, Barry Zito, and Mark Tiexeira until Boras got real teams to bid against themselves.
I'm fairy certain that in 20 years a retired Boras will sail around the world in a $25 Million yacht called "The Mystery Team."
Repeat Game- Yes even Scott Boras can get downright childish and get away with it. Sometimes you don't need a thesaurus or translator because Scott will go 2nd grade on your ass and mock your organization using the Repeat Game:
In an interview with ESPN.com, Boras mocked the Tigers' statement with almost identical wording.
"Max Scherzer made a substantial long-term contract extension offer to the Detroit Tigers that would have placed him among the highest-paid pitchers in baseball," Boras told ESPN.com. "And the offer was rejected by Detroit."
Here is the exact wording used earlier by the Tigers:
"The Detroit Tigers have made a substantial, long-term contract extension offer to Max Scherzer that would have placed him among the highest paid pitchers in baseball, and the offer was rejected."
Sometimes you gotta ditch the new catchphrases and just go old-school. This is why he is the best in the biz.
"Talent has no wristwatch"- This is a Boras quote/excuse to deflect any negative press or questioning of his tactics. Sometimes Boras' tactics are questioned when his clients go deep into Free Agency and into the next season without signing with a new team. He is a big believer in holding his clients out for more money and clearly believes time doesn't matter.
Boras can no longer claim rival agents will treat clients like pieces of meat when he literally compared his clients to pieces of meat. "People call me all the time and say, “Man, your players aren’t signed yet.” Well, it doesn’t really matter what time dinner is when you’re the steak."
Eventually the steak is going to get cold and the restaurant isn't making money if no one is showing up to buy the steak. I'm thinking about this too hard.
As far as I know, he stopped short of calling their talent "rare", "well done" or "raw." Unfortunately for Scott, it was only the 2nd best steak themed sales pitch of all time.
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